yup

There are jsut somethings that make me hopelessly angry. One of those things:

• My father: he just doesnt get it. At times hes the most worldly person I know and others he's the biggest ass in the world. Like last week when i was reading a book Maggie gave me he took it out of my hands and screamed at me: learn to be gay another day. Ouch dad. Then today he rants about how much we hate him and how miserable he is here. If your so miserable? leave. Honestly who the fuck hates you? If its anyone, its you dad. Seriously though.
• Skin head idiots: Who cares if me and brittney are dating? anwser- her friends who im constantly afraid will kill me if they find out. Jackie already told me to back off michelle gives me dirty looks and kayla would freakin' murder me =]. Whatever. I really care about Brittney and her friends'll accept it or not. Shes mine and im hers and thats all that matters to me.

Somethings just make me smile

• Maggie is happy. Cassie and Sam like her and that makes her happy. I dont know what will happen and to be frank i dont really care. Maggie feels loved which she is. Thats all that matters to me.
• Brittney lyn St. John is mine. And I'm hers. Thats the best feeling ever. Shes so beautiful and smart and amazing. most of all she likes me. I dunno it makes me happy
• Park swing starts tuesday
• 2 beautiful weeks till winter break.

Thoughts of the day

So, its 4:30, its monday, Im supposed to be doing math homework, so i figgured Id write instead.
So here are my thoughts of my day *all are subject to change*
1) Its been made abundantly clear that I'm not supposed to be happy this week. I dunno.

• Tiu was all pissed off at us first period because like 6 kids had their review book. Who's fault is it that i didnt have 12 bucks untill today? Not mine, so she can suck it =]
• Crazy Kayla- aka brittney's ex of like two days- basically threatened my life if i ever touched brittney. Little does she know, its a touch to late for that (haha theres a pun right there) I feel like shit about it, but I dont regret it (kissing brittney anyway). Thing is, if Kayla gets her way, I'll be dead, Brittney will be hers and I cant let that happen. I learned that I need a girlfriend close to home, that I can see on a daily basis. I fell hard for Brittney, but sometimes I feel like I fell, and cracked my head open on concrete (wouldnt THAT make crazy kayla happy?!) I dunno
• I have my period, aint life grand?
• Im reallt worried about my friend sam who said she would kill her self last night. Its been killing me all day. I would email her mom, alas, i dont know how to get ahold of her, so its futile

2) Brittney Lyn St. John is so amazing. I cannot even explain it. In five seconds, I went from hysterics to laughing? I dunno. These last few days when I was going though the break up, she was one of the only people with the ability to make me happy. She kissed me today, and I dunno, it felt oddly right in a just-broke-up-wht-my-girlfriend-way. I want her, but im not ready and neither is she, nd HAH craazy kayla would like flip a shit T_T. What ever, she can jump off a bridge for all i care ^_^. Its so hard to tell Brittney it'll be okay and work out with kayla when I hate the way she talks to me and the way shes treating her. I just wanna jump up and down and scream I HATE HER I HATE HER, YOU WANT ME, I WANT YOU SO GET OVER IT, WE SHOULD BE TOGETHER! I dunno. again, i feel like I smashed in to concrete half the time, then the other half, i feel like im hers? We act so much like we're together and have for a while. I like it. She walks me to class, and i walk her to class, we kiss eachother goodbye. We'll steal kisses when we're alone in the halls. She holds my hand and my waist. God shes so beautiful, and she thinks im beatiful, i feel so secure when I'm arround her. Im honestly falling so hard for her. It scares me sometimes

3) My dad read my journal, just fyi.

LALAL I should be studying

Ciao bitches =]

10 things on my mind- the facebook inspiration.
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1) MARGRET LORRAINE RADFORD is the most amazing girl ever. Shes so sweet and gentil and smart, if just a bit sad and left of center. Her friend Jason imed me last night and set something straight: I dont deserve someone as amazing as her, and I'm conviced he's right. I couldn't fathom staying with her, hurting her like I could have. I love her. Everything about her is just amazing, shes sweet and when she kisses me, I feel chills up my spine. Theres just misocmmunication, I'm going through some parts of my life with my family that only a few people know. I feel horrible
2) BRITTNEY LYN ST. JOHN takes my breath away. She's 2 years my senior and theres something about her. Fire and passion. Shes been on my mind alot recently. I dont even know. Shes so sweet and she makes me feel like the most important thing in the world when shes with seven million people shes known longer then me. She makes me like myself. I met her thought marching band, and I thank god every day that i know her. She's caught me. i dunno.
3) My mom is sick. I dont know what she has, i dont know when she'll get better, but shes sick, and it keeps getting worse.
4) WILLIAM HAROLD SCHNEIDER is my grandfather who passed away when i was 10 years old. I found a picture on my computer, I miss him during the holidays.
5) I hate being the youngest in my family. I feel so left out of the heavy discussions and I always wind up in tears every holiday. It has to happen.
6) Christmas sucks. This year, because were poor, christmas isnt what it ususally is. Not the gifts, because i dont really care about it, just the traditions are cut back.
7) WHAT HAPPENED TO THANKSGIVING PEOPLE?! I hate seeing merry christmas signs up in november. It disgusts me.
8) SAMANTHA ABUHOFF is so amazing, and sweet, and she loves me, but I dont feel the same way. I wish i could make her happy, i just dont know how.
9) Why is school so stressful?
10) I miss being a little kid. I miss my little kid best friends, and the simplicity of early childhood.

juste moi!

Well, I was given the idea to start a blog here by a good friend of mine- also known as Cassie, the most amazing North Carolinin i know=].
So many things are all happening at once. Life is so oober confusing sometimes that I kinda just want to scream. Being me, I take on a zillion and a half projects at once including AP, chemistry, music, starting a GSA. to top it all off, i broke up with perhaps the most amazing girl north of new york city. that was just the problem though. I dunno, maybe im just a mess that shouldnt be with anyone anyway.
My parents are two rediculous creatures- my dad thought GSA ment girl scouts. Becuase the last time i was synomous with girl scouts was second grade. I still get fliars for it though so maybe thats why? Hes so hard to deal with some times because he can be so simple, then so complex then so obstinant. I cant stand him 98% of the time, but i love him because i have to?
Sometimes I feel like with everything I do, I upset someone. I do well on a test I studied my ass off for, and Ill get a comment like- what happened to the other x points? gosh its annoying
I dunno. I feel so inadiquet sometimes.
Im getting off this thing now. Ill write later
or not.