=\

So my mood is very odd.
I feel like writing about nothing inspecific, so i will.
Brittneys uncle passed away and i dont know how to be there for her. I cant be there the way she needs me and i feel so horrible. Its tearing me apart and i havent a clue why. Im terrified of losing her. I cant lose her. She's everything i could have ever wanted. I know i've said that before, but i dunno. il y a un je ne sais quoi, so to speak.
Shes mad at me and its not my fault. My dad was screaming at me to shovel the walk so i had no choice and i had three seconds to get her a text that she never got. God. im such a fuck up. all i will ever be is just a fuck up. My dad thinks so, my friends think so. i think so.
thats another thing. i dont know where all the people who i thought my friends went. Its like they've disappeared off the face of the fucking planet with out any notice. If they have, they have together because pictures and notes keep popping up all over facebook about how much time they spend iwht eachother while I sit at home and sulk and cry about how i have no fucking friends. I have no fucking friends. The closest i have is maggie and cassie and rebecca but they're all so damn far away. Im trying to have a friend in sam, but god knows thats nearly impossible. Every time i try and be her friend it backfires and i have no idea why. Shes influenced by people that dont like me and i know it. Ugh. I sound so insecure coz i am.
I kinda hate who i am right now. Im depressed and shit which is so weird coz im so happy with brittney. My dad and brother are constantly dragging me under and as soon as i catch my breath theres another fucking problem here. My mom has pnumonia which is bad so theres another reason for me to flounder.
If i didnt wake up tomorrow, who would notice im gone?
no one. thats who.

Pay no attention to the girl behind the façade.
She’s just another tormented soul.
Pay no attention to the girl behind the façade.
She’s just another striving to feel whole.
Pay no attention to the girl behind the façade,
Because its all a façade.
Her life’s a façade.

Pay no attention to the girl, whose life’s a lie,
Who can’t tell real from fantasy.
Pay no attention to the girl whose life’s a lie.
Who can hurt her self so easily.
Pay no attention to the girl, whose life’s a lie,
Because its all just a lie.
Her life is a lie.